The Day I Took My Life Back from a Narcissist, Part 1

Reading Time: 21 minutes

I never in a million years thought I’d end up divorced at the age of 24. This month marks two years since I finally released the demon himself from my life. Two years ago, I felt a freedom I had never experienced before at that time. Exactly two years ago, I was on a plane on my way back home after enduring a rough time in my marriage. It was a Wednesday/Thursday—Women’s Day, to be exact. I felt a weight lift off my entire body as soon as I headed toward the airport with the nicest Uber driver ever.

The night before, I feared I’d break down crying at LAX, exhausted, with no sleep and no appetite. But this fear wasn’t because I cared about what others thought of me—it was because I never wanted this man to hold even an ounce of power over me. I feared that if I cried at LAX, I’d be giving him more power.

I was smiling, laughing, and enjoying my time at LAX more than on any trip I had ever taken before. Allah was with me, and I was safe. I had lost so much weight, but I knew I would build myself back up. I was in a state of gratitude, and nothing else mattered—except for the fact that I got to start over again as a single woman. It was in this exact moment I decided to take my life seriously again with full Tawakkul in Allah.

One thing about me is that I am a crybaby—but not in the way you think. I cry when I’m touched, when something moves me. And I cry for my Creator. My narcissistic ex-husband, on the other hand, cried to gain sympathy. He wanted others to feel for him—typical narcissist behavior. They always act out of their emotions, and everything has to be a performance. You guys wouldn’t even believe how much of a fake crybaby this very grown man was. It’s incredible. And no, this is not just “who he is,” as some of his peers would say. The man has no empathy—he is a full-blown narcissist, where everything is fake.

I didn’t want to be like that at the airport. I feared that I had lied to myself about being over him and that I’d burst out in pain in public. I never do such things in public, so you can imagine how much this relationship affected me. It was terrible, to say the least.

I’m writing this article today as a testimony—to myself and to anyone out there who has been in a romantic relationship with a narcissist. I write this for those who are just on the verge of realizing who they’re dealing with. I remember how much research I did on this condition (NPD) and how desperately I searched day and night for articles from real people who had gone through the same thing.

I also read about it from an Islamic perspective and learned that this is what is referred to as ‘hypocrites’ in Islam. Narcissism is mentioned countless times in the Holy Quran under this term. In Islam, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is considered a disease of the heart.

Every article, every forum, and every social media platform was telling the truth. And every psychologists confirmed.

I felt crazy.
I felt sick.
I felt conned.
I felt angry.
I felt nauseous.

But I never felt weak.

I felt secure. I felt Allah’s presence more than ever in that exact moment two years ago. My life was about to change forever. I was excited and happy that Allah woke me up and showed me the truth in a subtle yet loud way. The loud part, of course, was the narcissist himself.

My world, my mind, my heart—none of them could comprehend how a person could lack empathy to this degree. I remember one sentence he said to me a few days after we got married that shook me to my core. He told me:

“My mom said she can’t believe your dad would marry you off to a stranger like me.”

At the time, this sentence meant nothing to me because he had painted his own mother (and plenty of other people in his life) as the main villain in our relationship—and, generally, in his immediate family. I thought she was just an unstable person, and I did everything I could to avoid her. My entire world revolved around avoiding people in his life, not wanting to be part of it.

Of course, a narcissist will always push you to do what you hate the most, so he would force me to be around his family members, friends, clients etc. even though I didn’t enjoy it. Unfortunately, everyone around this man, including his own family, gave me the worst energy I had ever experienced from people. It was something I could feel deep within. It made me sick.

I am not here to badmouth—I am telling my truth. And frankly, I’m being very generous with my words when it comes to being respectful.

This post is for those who have narcissistic individuals in their lives—or, as Islam refers to them, the hypocrites.

The “wake-up call”

Narcissistic people are always exposing themselves—constantly. No matter how hard they try, they cannot hide who they truly are. This is why all their victims share the same stories, with barely any differences. It’s simple: they are all experiencing the same disease of the heart.

I knew the man I married wasn’t stable from the start. I sense energy before anything else. But something in me told me to keep going—I couldn’t stop there. Allah willed it to happen and allowed it to happen. But I could see Allah’s hands in every single interaction I had with this man, with everyone around him, and in our lives together. I knew I was safe. So, for that reason alone, I did not fear.

As crazy as this might sound, at the time, I didn’t know this was a test from Allah or fully understand what I was up against. I had no clue in that sense. All I knew was that I was safe and that Allah had not left me, even though my Islamic practices weren’t anywhere near as strong as they are now. I tried my best, but I can’t even compare my practices to what they are now or even what they were just a year ago. Allah didn’t reveal His plans or the test itself until I had passed it, after many setbacks and struggles.

I knew I was sleeping with the enemy. But remember how I said Allah told me in a subtle way? Yeah, I knew I was dealing with dark forces—but in a calm way. I didn’t know about the condition narcissism until a week before I officially divorced him. Allah did not reveal everything to me until it was time and safe for me to know. Allah knows His creation best, and He certainly knew I’d make an example out of this man if He (SWT) had revealed it even a second earlier.

Remember how I stated in this article that I am indeed stubborn when it comes to abuse? Yeah, I would’ve 100% made an example out of this man and gotten myself in trouble if I had known even a second before it was revealed to me what I was up against, exactly. I do not play games—especially not with demons.

The moment Allah revealed his condition to me—how he was abusing me and that he did it intentionally—my blood boiled. I was ready for war. But it was too late—I was already thousands of miles away. I had sensed something while I was still in Los Angeles, but not to the extent I did as soon as I landed and got comfortable back home. My blood pressure was very high during this time. Stress-level was through the roof, but weirdly enough, I felt a mix of relief and peace—this was coming from Allah.

Since then, I have learned to manage and cope pretty well, as Allah has tested me with more people like my ex-husband. I sought out narcissistic people, or shall I say; they found me? I needed to confront what I never got to with my ex-husband. I needed a narcissist to cross my path again. I needed to confront one.

But I didn’t ask Allah to send them my way—because I despised these individuals after experiencing them firsthand, reading countless articles, and hearing other people’s stories. Yet, later that year, Allah sent multiple narcissists my way. I studied them closely, kept quiet, and tried to understand why such individuals exist.

One pattern they all had in common that I don´t see being mentioned a lot? They believe we are stupid.

So, this is a message to all narcissists: I tried to show you how to be humble because none of you are. So much arrogance within your hearts. So many unresolved wounds. You are all, collectively, extreme wrongdoers and definitely need to be studied further because there is no way you can walk through life thinking others are less than you. Your victims—the empaths—are extremely intuitive people. Most of us cannot be fooled, even if you tried for fourteen decades.

You are not more powerful than real God-fearing individuals. We may not look like it (God-fearing) collectively, but we surely did not handle you on our own, it was Allah all along. We may not conquer you alone because of the demonic beings possessing you, but we have Allah. Allah fights for us and guards over us.

To this day, I cannot take full credit for how I have handled narcissists who have tried to hurt or abuse me. Yes, I refuse any form of abuse, and there will always be warning signs around me. Sometimes, I even used to tell people not to play with me because God doesn’t allow it—and yet, they still wouldn’t listen.

I do not play games.
I do not play games.
I do not play games.

And you will be made an example of. Wallahi, Allah will deal with you. I have seen it time and time again.

I do not play games.

The Aftermath

I went from caring deeply about others, the state of our world, and everything in between to just… CARING EVEN MORE! This is one of the reasons I have leaned more toward light work and healing. Most narcissists I’ve met in life (too many) expect you to lose your light and stop caring about others. They want you on their level. But I am here as a testimony to tell them all collectively:

I will never do such a thing.

I cannot be on the same frequency as you—it’s impossible.

I have never (if I dare say so myself) felt better or been a better person than I am now. I don’t get angry (I can’t even remember the last time I felt real anger), my emotions are more in check than ever, and Alhamdulillah, I can’t complain about my life. I am blessed.

You see, while you thought I would drown, Allah kept pulling me up. Allah helped me heal. You are incapable of attacking me. Yes, I am human, and I will feel emotions as necessary, but I am not broken.

Most narcissists want you broken. They want you to sink and never recover. They think they are so special that you must suffer without them.

Here’s a little secret: they aren’t that great.

You will recover faster than you think. You will “love” life again quickly after you remove yourself from them. If you must, let them think you’re suffering for a while (even if you’re not), then move on and live your life far away from them. Use all the time you have to recover and heal your inner self. Heal and restore what they took—or tried to take—from you (your light) and move on.

Remember, Allah is with you.

Allah has promised Jahannam (hellfire) for the hypocrites, so you don’t have to worry about getting back at them. And the way He (SWT) is going to bless your life will be worth the pain.

To find the light, you must go through pain. Jannah is not free—many hardships surround it. Likewise, the easy paths in life are often surrounded by hellfire. But it’s all an illusion; these are the sins that Shayateen fool us into thinking are fun and amazing.

And if you’re dealing with a narcissistic husband or wife during Ramadan, brother or sister, this is the perfect month to make an exit. Leave quietly, play a little dumb/crazy (to make them think they still have power), and go in peace if you can. Pray to Allah and make lots and lots of duaa to Him to take you out of there now.

I left my narcissistic ex-husband just weeks before Ramadan 2023. But Ramadan approached really, really fast. I felt like I blinked twice, and suddenly, it was here. And hands down—such a great blessing.

And you, the one reading this… if you’re going through something similar, and you happened to stumble upon this article now, please take this as your sign.

When you sense something is off, the answer will come to you. You will eventually know what you’re dealing with.

Don’t ignore the signs.

If you ask Allah for signs, know that everything and everyone is a sign. Allah sometimes communicates with you through the sources you use the most because He knows that’s where your attention is.

And sometimes, Allah gives signs through you.

This is a deeper level that requires practice. You need to be able to sit still and isolate yourself from others. Listening to yourself is a great gift. Being able to recognize when Allah is communicating with you through your own soul and body is an honor.

So, train yourself. Learn how to be alone. Learn how to exist in complete isolation without distractions—not even a cup of coffee.

Who are you in those moments when no one is watching and there are no distractions?

The Aftermath Part 2

Narcissists don’t attack you because you’re weak—they attack you because you’re a threat. They are demons in spirit, all possessed by the same force. This is why they are all the same and use the same tactics. They all think they’re special but never stop to consider that we’ve met them all before.

Every single human being has encountered a narcissist. They are all the same—just in different bodies. Their biggest weakness? They believe they are unique. So, I guess… let them think that.

Once you recognize a narcissist for what they are, you will never unsee it. And from that point on, they become VERY easy to detect—even from miles away through their loudness, nasty aura or body language.

In my case, a lot happened in my life after my divorce from the ex-husband. My life took a turn, and I still can’t wrap my head around how it all unfolded.

I HAD TO GO THROUGH ALL OF THIS.

Would I have preferred to avoid it? Sure. But at the same time, I feel honored that Allah trusted me with such a test. Narcissists have been one of my greatest trials (one of many, believe me), but as someone who feels everything deeply, I will admit—they almost got me for a second.

Sometimes, you have to endure certain tests that Allah continues to allow—to build you up for something greater.

Your marriage didn’t work? Allah separated you from that person for a reason. Maybe Allah wants a far better man/woman for you than that. It only means He has a better plan for you. We plan, but Allah also plans—and He is the Best of Planners.

And while you’re in the middle of it all, don’t forget this statement:

👉🏽 After every hardship, there will be ease 👈🏽

It might not come immediately, but you will witness it—both in this life and the next.

Narcissists have made me hyper-vigilant.

I don’t give second chances anymore.

Some might see this as a flaw, but I see it as a necessary boundary. It all depends on who and what I’m dealing with. I am also quick to leave—no nonsense is allowed in my life. I really don’t care who stays in the end.

A single human mistake? That’s one thing. But repeated wrongdoings with no change? That’s another.

I have also become quicker to repent to Allah when I make mistakes and in my shortcomings. My circle is so small that at this point, I only need a Ferrari. I finally understand why sports cars have only two seats—it clicked! Literally, that’s how small my circle is.

At the same time, I have become more friendly, gentle, and patient with whatever Allah sends my way—whether good or bad.

I have also lost all love for this world collectively.

That might sound depressing to some, but let me tell you—I asked Allah (not long ago) to show me why this dunya means nothing to Him, and He (SWT) showed me in a way only I could understand.

I can’t even explain it—it wouldn’t make sense to you. But if you want to see it for yourself, I urge you to ask Him. Ask Allah to show you in a way that’s personalized for you, and InshaAllah, He will.

Once I lost the last bit of love I had for this dunya, I started reflecting more on the afterlife. And humbly, I started working for my Akhirah.

At this point, all I need is:
☑️ My light (high frequency level)
☑️ A decent roof over my head
☑️ Sustenance to keep me alive so I can worship Allah and to work for my Akhirah

That’s it.

Reaching this mindset is freeing. I pray more Muslims find this way of living—where the material world no longer consumes us.

After encountering several narcissists over the last two years (in reality my whole life to be frankly with u), I have become so resilient that even I shock myself.

At this point, NOTHING shakes my world.

No one can holds any power over me. No test in this life—whether it’s losing a job, friends, family, health, wealth or anything else—can break me.

I don’t react anymore.

Instead, I turn to Allah and say, “Alhamdulillah”, good or bad.

When you reach this stage, you become unstoppable. If I wanted to, I could have the world, but I don´t want it anymore, how convenient right? The level of “unbothered” in my life has reached new heights, where literally no one or no situation can bother me. It’s the definition of healthy detachment from anything in this 3D realm.

Your journey to this mindset might be different from mine. My tests have been a mix of narcissists, deaths in my family and other personal challenges. Yours might be something else entirely.

But one thing is certain: most people will encounter narcissists in their lifetime.

And if you’re reading this—whether today, tomorrow, or ten years from now—know this: YOU WILL OVERCOME IT.

This is just a test from Allah.

So, let Him test you.
Trust Him.
He will make a way for you.

And when you come out of it, you will be stronger, wiser, and walking toward something far better.

Everything you lost, and everything they stole from you? Allah will give it back to you—TENFOLD.

His plan for you is far greater than anything you could imagine. Just wait.
And endure patiently.

Chess or checkers; Spiritual Warfare

Sometimes, I visualize all the narcissistic people I’ve had in my life—so many of them—being united or reunited with each other. I wish for them to exist in one room, one universe, just by themselves. I want them to experience their own abuse, directed at each other. I wish for all the hypocrites to be placed together in one world, leaving the rest of us in peace. But of course, that would defeat the purpose of this world and the tests within it. Still, one can only hope—they truly deserve each other.

This used to be a fantasy of mine after I finally woke up to the last narcissists I had so close in my life. At that time, I would intentionally guide narcissists toward one another. If a narcissist ever sought my mentorship, I would never offer them true guidance. I’d leave them astray and happily lead them to one another. Some narcissists I’ve encountered have even come to me asking for life advice, completely unaware that I already knew exactly who they were. I used to give sincere advice, but now? I either keep it short and basic, remain silent, or direct them toward each other.

I would never, for example, give a narcissist sincere marriage advice that could help them “find true love”—never, ever! That would only lead them to empaths, and I don’t want them anywhere near empaths. Some empaths aren’t strong enough yet. So let’s all pray and make duaa for them, that they find the strength to face these hypocrites.

This is a spiritual war, and I am fully tuned in. A narcissist will never win as long as I am present. I fight with the wisdom (hikmah), light (noor), blessings (barakah), and secret (sirr) gifts that Allah has given me. And for that reason alone, they will surely never succeed in my presence. My reckless, reactionary days are behind me. Now, I operate with Allah and the phenomenal gifts He bestows upon His servants.

I have disarmed every narcissist I’ve encountered in the past—some of them still have no idea what actually happened. I’d like to say that I was in control, but in reality, it was all Allah. I cannot take that credit. But the truth is, they were never in control to begin with.

As soon as I recognize that I’m dealing with a narcissist, I switch up. This does not mean I become two-faced like them—never! I am incapable of sinking to their level, where they dwell in deceit and manipulation. Instead, I use the gifts Allah has given me with intention and full remembrance of Him. This is all spiritual, and narcissists never truly understand what’s happening in those moments.

For me, dealing with them is effortless—I use very little energy in communication, while they exhaust themselves running their mouths, plotting, and scheming. When Allah is with you, a spiritual war is nothing. The key is to always keep Allah in mind, pray your obligatory prayers, and refine your character.

I used to react heavily—a typical crashout. It was difficult to work through, but I had to change how I confronted evil spirits. Learning to control my anger and understanding that those who purposefully hurt or abuse are simply reflecting their own misery was a process. Now, instead of reacting, I observe. I let them show me who they truly are. I just let them.

My Ideal Clients

I am naturally generous with my energy when coaching or advising different people independently and without flaws, Alhamdulillah—whether it’s family, friends, strangers online, or in person. I welcome most people in this field. However, I will never make the mistake of coaching a narcissist ever again. This does not serve humanity in any way, shape, or form.

Let this be a reminder to anyone reading and considering coaching: narcissists and those with similar personality disorders are not my ideal clients. If any bookings are made through me and I suspect this, they will be canceled without explanation.

The end?

And just to be clear—this is not arrogance.

All I’m trying to convey is that I have no fears left in me. (Only fear of God)

So, you can only imagine the darkness I had to claw my way out of.
Me alone.
Guided by Allah.

But who knows? I’m still young.

If I live to be an old lady, Allah may have even more tests for me—tests that will refine me further, that will qualify me for true peace without questioning in the afterlife. To be fair, Allah still tests me occasionally (that´s just how life is designed), but when it comes to trials on the level of another narcissistic husband, friends, or family members, I don’t think that’s likely anymore. I don’t deal with them anymore. I notice them, and my light alone pulls them out of my way. I don’t need to do much anymore. That phase of trials is conquered and secured. I dare a narcissist to come for me; I dare every single one to come my way. My light alone will suffocate them—that’s on God. Remember, I do not play games, respectfully. However, if greater tests are necessary, then so be it.

And to be completely fair with you?

I prefer the tests of this world.

Let them come. Let them purify my heart, mind and soul. Because I would rather endure my trials here than face them in the afterlife.

I want my tests now—not after death.