Have you ever felt out of place and alone even though people surround you? I often feel this way, except for those few glimmering moments when I’ve found what Anne With An E would joyfully proclaim as a “kindred spirit”.
I am of Thai-Chinese descent on my paternal side but recognised as Malay due to Jus Soli (Latin for “right of the soil”), which was implemented during British colonialism. I always silently muse over how my cousins and relatives look Chinese with fair skin and slanted eyes but speak Malay because Islam in Malaysia is associated with the Malay race, which are darker-skinned and usually have more prominent features. My father and I are often approached by strangers, local as well as foreign Chinese, who speak in Chinese to us. Sadly, we don’t. As if that doesn’t feel complicated enough, I speak and write in English probably 85%-90% of the time, not to show off as many Malays seem to think, but because it is something my brain is used to (my mother tongue is Malay but my first words as a baby were in English).
The bullying on cultural identity hit a new low a few years ago when a couple of senior students questioned the books written by non-Muslims I was reading while studying psychology. But we have teachers to ask and refer to, what is the problem? I thought.
It wasn’t until a couple of semesters later that some of my favourite teachers revealed in class that they too read (and recommended!) psychology books written by non-Muslims, and those girls took the same classes! The irony! The nerve! The audacity!
I have been told in a very disgusted tone, “Cakap Bahasa Melayu lah!” (Speak in Malay!)
“Makan banyak sangat cheese, tak cukup belacan!” ((She) eats too much cheese, (and) not enough belacan!)
“Perut aku perut Melayu.” (Rough translation is, “I have a Malay palate.”) This was a jab from a bullying ex-classmate when she saw me having a burger and fries for lunch while waiting for the next class.
They’re hurtful, and reek of racism. Not Malay enough to the Malays, but not Chinese to the Chinese either but at least they don’t make unkind remarks towards me. It feels like I don’t really belong anywhere in my own country although I feel more accepted by the Chinese and Indians. The Malays who are kind and wonderful to me are the ones I meet whenever I attend international Islamic conferences, and I think that says something.
My favourite statement of all is this because of the haughtiness in its tone used to justify any sort of racist behaviour: “Sebab aku Melayu.” (Because I am a Malay). This confused me a lot while I was still a young child because I knew my beloved ustazah taught us differently than what I constantly heard uttered by a few adults in my life.
The same could be said about myself though, that I too harshly judged people until I grew up and learned about Islam from Muslim preachers who teach Islam according to the Quran and Sunnah, not from racists who manipulate Islamto champion their bigoted views and control the people. Apparently, coming from a Muslim-majority country doesn’t necessarily make a Muslim knowledgeable about Islam. I don’t see how having lasagna or salad makes me less of a Muslim. If that’s still a reason to cause a commotion, salad exists in Malay menus but looks different because it’s made up of indigenous wild leaves and is called ulam and I enjoy ulam, too. Now imagine my eyeballs rolling to the back of my head and dropping onto the floor if we’re going to be that dramatic.
I often sit by myself to ponder on my journey of being a Muslim who felt confused about her identity and how she should present herself in the world. Calling myself a Malay feels wrong because it means denying the existence of my Chinese and Thai grandparents and ancestry. Whereas I can understand the damage of colonialism, it still feels pretty drastic to me when Islam always feels so gentle, tolerant and loving, the complete opposite of what is constantly shoved in my face. The world is full of ideologies constantly changing with time, which reminded me of a quote I’d read when I was younger, “There is nothing permanent except change.” It was quipped by an ancient Greek philosopher named Heraclitus 2500 years ago, and a lot has changed since then! And that’s when a single fact hit me like white bubbly waves gently gracing the shores:
“Make things easy for the people, and do not make it difficult for them, and make them calm down (with glad tidings) and do not repulse them.” – Prophet Muhammad, Sahih al-Bukhari.
Technology has progressed and our needs have evolved since thousands of years ago, but Islam does not bow down to trends and therefore does not change. This perpetual need to pit one race against the other is really unnecessary when Allah (swt) told us in the Quran:
“O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted.” – (Quran 49:13)
If y’all still wanna fight it out and have this false sense of superiority and pride over other races whom you deem are lesser because of your ancestry or skin colour, let me gently remind you that the first racist in history is Iblis when he talked back to Allah (swt) regarding Adam (as), claiming:
“I am better than he. You created me from fire, and him You created from clay.” (Quran 7:12)
If that isn’t scary enough, I’ll throw in another fact that might give you goosebumps: If you’ve read the full conversation between Iblis and Allah, satan aka iblis is the OG of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) but that is probably a conversation for a different article one day, insya Allah.
Islam came to abolish extremism e.g. racism, nationalism, misogyny, femicide, toxic masculinity etc. through the teachings and examples of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). It is because of ignorance that we react to the people and our surroundings instead of acting and speaking from an educated or well-informed stance. It is a human need to seek a sense of belonging and through that a sense of security, and I can say that I’ve found that in people I feel are emotionally and physically safe regardless of race and creed. Wasn’t Prophet Muhammad’s favourite uncle, Abu Talib, who raised him and kept him safe from harm a non-Muslim?
The first revelation that was sent down to Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) by Angel Jibreel, he was told, “Read in the name of your Lord!” (Quran 96:1) It is clear that the way out of ignorance and every kind of ism is through gaining beneficial knowledge. We might have the technology to gain easier access to knowledge and education, but I feel in some ways we’re still jahil (ignorant); some of us have the privilege of being able to read in Arabic, but we do not carry the teachings of the Quran in our hearts. Some of the most religious people I know are incredibly kind and gentle, while some others appear to look religious but are harsh and unkind. It is also from ignorance that we continue to blindly follow the harmful customs and beliefs handed down to us from generation to generation, not questioning if they are aligned with the deen.
If one (wrongly) thinks racial identity equates to Muslim identity, then what about new reverts especially the ones who live in countries heavily practising secularism? Reverts or converts’ devotion to and understanding of Islam puts born Muslims to shame, because they practise the religion not muddied with cultural practises that Islam came to abolish such as patriarchy, sexism and ageism. Practising the deen without understanding and embodying the pillars of Islam and iman (faith or belief) is actually against the deen when the Quran encourages us to contemplate and critically think instead of blind following.
“And likewise, We did not send before you a warner to any town except that the extravagant ones amongst them said: ‘Verily, we found our forefathers upon a certain way and we will follow in their footsteps.’” – [Quran 43:23]
Look at how far and wide Islam expanded during the Islamic Golden Er; Ancient Muslim societies were made up of so many races as they spread across the world in far-off countries like Spain, China, and Africa through merchants, teachers and students creating a beautiful melting pot of cultures and languages. Islam is universal and isn’t meant for one specific race; it doesn’t attempt to minimise or wipe out cultures but instead emphasises the good traits of a people. These issues of racism and nationalism I feel are only often used as tools by politicians to garner popularity, votes, and power. We seem to forget that none of that matters at the end of it all because in our deen a Muslim is someone with good conduct and does righteous deeds for the sake of Allah (swt).
“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should be good to his neighbour and kind to his guest.”
– Prophet Muhammad.
And if cultural identity matters so much, what about kids or descendants of mixed race? I feel like I am denied what should also be part of my cultural identity because the other is pushed aside in the name of nationalism and racial identity. It made me so happy when at the age of 11 I was informed of my Thai ancestry when I coincidentally participated in the school play for a traditional Thai dance. Representation is important, but it should not make me feel like I have to choose or feel lesser when being a good Muslim should be the foundation of those building blocks.
Navigating today’s society
During one of the international Islamic conferences I attended years ago, a Palestinian-American Muslim preacher was posed a question by someone in the audience about being Muslim and cultural identity. I can’t remember the question or the answer exactly, so I will have to paraphrase here – that it doesn’t matter what cultural identity you adopt or identify with if it enhances the positive traits in yourself as a Muslim. I felt like a boulder was lifted from my shoulders. His response liberated me from years of shame of not feeling “Malay enough.”
‘O Mankind! We created you from a single pair of a male and a female and made you into nations and tribes so that you may get to know each other. Surely, the noblest among you in sight of Allah is the most righteous. Allah is All-Knowledgeable, All-Aware.’
(Quran 49:13)
Allah said He created us in different tribes and nations so that we may learn from one another. My ability to speak and write in English well is an advantage for me, a gift that Allah (swt) has given me over some. This God-given advantage has allowed me to accelerate in certain areas in my previous profession and effectively communicate my knowledge, thoughts and ideas to a larger audience. I have also belatedly realised now those hurtful jabs disguised as “patriotism” and “nationalism” come out of ignorance and probably insecurity, too, which they projected onto me. And I, out of my deep insecurity for wanting to be accepted, could not see that before.
“O Mankind! Indeed, Allah has done away with the haughtiness of the Days of Ignorance and its vain boasting of one’s ancestry. Mankind is of two types; The pious, upright one, honourable in the sight of Allah and the immoral, sinful one, worthless in the sight of Allah. All mankind are the children of Adam and Allah created Adam from sand.”
– Prophet Muhammad.
In an increasingly hostile world where everything goes and Muslims are seen and treated as strange, maybe being someone whom the majority think does not fit in is a good thing. We always root for the hero or heroine in the movies or TV series that stands out from the crowd, so maybe we should start embracing the qualities in ourselves that are unique and can be beneficial for society and the ummah. May this also be a humble reminder to myself that I am above all else a Muslim.
“Islam began as something strange, and will go back to being strange, so glad tidings to the strangers.” – Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), (Sahih Muslim)
Reference:
Vocabulary of a Narcissist | Khutbah by Dr. Omar Suleiman (youtube.com)
Blind Following and its Dangers – Shaikh Saalih Al-Fawzaan – AbdurRahman.Org
The Qurʾān’s Calls Us to Reflect, Seek, and Question (whyislam.org)
Islam Began as Something Strange – Islam Question & Answer (islamqa.info)
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