My friend and I were harassed by a lady at the gym last year and this is how we managed to get through it. For the sake of the story, let´s just call my friend “Lisa”. Last summer, on June 5th, I visited my family, and it was then that me and Lisa encountered this unpleasant situation with one of the gym members.
Mind you, this is the first time ever that I had experienced discrimination or hate at the gym from someone who could quite literally be my great grandma! I was shock and left in awe after this incident.
This story is just one of many that minorities in the west go through on a regular basis. If you have ever experienced discrimination in any sort, please speak up. Even if you might look bad, have the courage to say something. I know from experience how difficult it is and that sometimes it is easier to just ignore it. In some cases, it is in fact easier and better to let it go and to not engage.
Lisa had recently moved to the city and wanted recommendation of the best gym to train at. I recommended the gym I frequented, and she decided to join me. Let´s just say, her first experience turned out to be distressing, to say the least. I had to reassure her and explain that such encounters were not the norm and that gym members typically did not behave that way, multiple times during our gym session, yikes.
At the gym, though it wasn’t crowded, there were more than a handful of people present. This allowed me to guide her through a workout program that I had prepared with the help of my experienced sibling.
Before we started, I needed to refer to the program on my phone every now and then as we were going through each session, prompting a lady who had been using the leg extension machine earlier to approach me with unwarranted criticism about being on my phone instead of exercising.
Mind you, I must check my phone not only to keep track of the program, but I had other business to do while on my phone. To be fair it is nobody’s business what anyone does on their phone in the public.
Her comments left me shocked and perplexed, especially since I didn’t know her and hadn’t interacted with her previously. I explained to this older lady that I shouldn’t bother her while I am literally minding my own business and told her that she had to focus on her own workouts instead of some stranger she has no knowledge about.
I still cannot believe that she walked across the gym just to let me know my “phone” bothered her, when in fact I knew that I was bothering her just by being myself.
I cannot understand how people can be so comfortable coming up to strangers like she did with me. She goes on to tell me that she has been waiting for this machine to use it, not knowing that I saw her using this exact same machine we were at while me and Lisa was running at the treadmill.
I didn’t want any drama, so I let her know that she had to wait for her turn and be respectful of that, just like we were when we saw her using the machine. It´s all just regular ethics, but some people just like to be difficult for no reason.
Not just a hater, but also a bad listener
Despite my attempts to explain, she continues and persisted in (now) accusing me of provoking her by being on my phone while she supposedly waited for us to finish. This confrontation made Lisa (she hates conflicts) extremely uncomfortable.
I blatantly told her if she feels like I am provoking her by just being me, minding my own business at the gym, that she needs to stop looking at me and focus more on herself instead. This is reasonable enough don´t you think? Finally she leaves, giving me the dirtiest look, as if I had unalived her cat or something like that.
The unpleasant encounter had already soured our gym session. When we moved to another area to continue our workout, the same lady intruded once again, this time attempting to claim a bench that we DID NOT need. We were simply walking past the bench.
I guess she thought that I was going to use the bench, so she ran for her life to try start something again. Despite my efforts to defuse the situation, she continued to exhibit rude and disrespectful behavior, even following us around the gym.
So, this time around I had enough and loudly shouted “Let´s go, this old lady has not learned curtesy of gym etiquette and the envy is loud in this room plus I can´t stand unmannered old folks!”.
It was a long time since I had seen someone almost cry out of regret for targeting the wrong people. She let me know that I was being rude now. No shit sherlock! I mean, what did she expect me to do when she is the one initiating drama with me, smile at her?
She kept quite the next few sets we had and eventually left the gym a while before we were done.
Such behavior is unacceptable in a fitness center where individuals should feel welcome and safe. Lisa and I indirectly understood that her hostility stemmed from jealousy, discrimination or resentment, as we were the only targets of her aggression. However, we refused to tolerate such mistreatment and promptly left the areas she was around while she kept following us until she left the gym.
We are not able to escape her
Later that week, Lisa told me that she had seen this lady at the hospital where she works. Lisa explained how it gave her an instant PTSD-like experience, which saddened me because I don’t have to encounter her ever again for two reasons: 1. I don’t live in that city. 2. I don’t work at the hospital.
Lisa expressed her admiration for my willingness to stand up against bullies and credited me with empowering her to do the same.
Lisa assured me she would be fine and would handle her just as we did in our previous encounter with her. As minorities, we recognize the importance of confronting such behavior and refusing to be intimidated.
Bullies thrive on making others feel miserable and inferior, but they can be disarmed by maintaining composure and asserting one’s rights firmly and respectfully. It’s crucial not to stoop to their level of immaturity and to avoid enabling their negative behavior.
Encounters like these only strengthen my faith and conviction in standing up against injustice.
Strategies for Confronting Bullies
So, how do you stand up against a bully? By defying these points. Disobey them, but do so in a manner that is respectful yet firm. Do not show weakness (even if you feel like bursting into tears).
Also, consider this person as someone who lives a regular day-to-day life, just like you or someone you love, such as your sister or brother. Try your best to treat them as you would a younger sibling who has just disrespected you. I am not advising you to be good to them, but rather, show more humanity than what they are doing to you.
How would you treat your younger sister/brother if they were disrespecting you? By disciplining them. So, you need to discipline your bully to earn respect. I am mentioning siblings here because you would typically show compassion to a certain extent while also enforcing respect.
Believe it or not, if someone feels comfortable disrespecting you without even knowing you, they are likely to become even more disrespectful towards you or others. T
hat’s why we must be cautious and establish a level of respect while also being firm. Bullies become bullies by repeating their actions multiple times, naturally. It’s hard to admit, but practice makes perfect in this case.
You can avoid enabling such behavior. This lady was indeed a bully because Lisa saw her at the hospital where she works, several times the following months. Lisa told me how this seemed to be normal behavior for her, talking down on minorities. Sadly, just like with the bus driver lady, we were not in the wrong for just being ourselves, literally minding our own business.
Lastly, never stoop to a bully’s level of immaturity, and remember, it is never a bad idea to remain quiet and not engage in their negativity, as that will only enable them to further continue their behavior towards other individuals.
Bullies are generally not the most intelligent people on earth, and they are likely to become the “losers” of our society as they lack basic human understanding.
It is not destiny, but you will turn into a loser as soon as you attack other individuals you have no knowledge of and for absolutely no valid reason, as she did.
Protect yourself and the once you love, but avoid approaches with hate and ill intentions. Strong, kind, loving, and intelligent people do not act in such a manner.
These kinds of interactions with people have essentially strengthened my beliefs in the Higher power, Allah (swt) and made me less enthusiastic about people in general, which is sad, but that is a conversation for another time.
Conclusion: Don´t let bullies take the best of you which is your energy and composer
In conclusion, I affirmed my commitment to learning and growing in my advocacy efforts, acknowledging the inherent challenges but remaining steadfast in my belief in justice and compassion.
Later that week, Lisa explained to me how she finally found the courage to stand up against such bullies and that she appreciated how the situation we were in inspired her to not ever put up with such behavior since Lisa wasn’t even able to speak while this lady was harassing us. So I am glad this experience gave her the courage, it made me super happy!
You see, in this life, as a minorities, we must learn how to set off such behavior and let it be known to these people that you will not accept their behavior. The psychology of a bully is:
The psychology of a bully often involves a combination of insecurity, a need for control or power, and a lack of empathy. Bullies may also have experienced abuse or neglect themselves, leading to a cycle of aggression. It is not right however to treat someone else poorly just because you went through a moment in your life.
These points can be handy to know when you run into a bully:
- They are miserable deep down in their hearts
- They are projecting onto you what they essentially feel about themselves
- They will not stop until you are feeling as bad as they are
Suggested reading: I was racially profiled – Inspiring Responses: Navigating and Overcoming Racism and Discrimination
