Firstly, if you find yourself in a situation where you must choose between your desires and religious practices, you should turn to Allah with your concerns, and He will provide a way for you. If you have already prayed to Allah and stumbled across this article, then congratulations—He has guided you to the answer.
Allah says that a wife should please her spouse when he desires sexual attention. However, this applies only to men who provide you with security and fulfill all their duties in Islam. He must also be a good man who fears Allah. This does not apply to the opposite situation.
Now, why did Allah say it is obligatory for a wife to please her husband if he calls her to his bed? Along with the fact that if she refuses, she is sinning. Reference: Islam QA. As women, we must understand that men have a higher sexual drive.
Their natural desire for sexual intercourse is greater than ours. Allah created us this way. However, what is missing in this discussion is that the same rule applies to the man in marriage. It is haram for him to refuse to have intercourse with his wife without a valid reason. A woman can refuse in cases such as her menstrual cycle, pregnancy with declining health, sickness, and mental issues, which are also valid reasons to refuse your spouse.
Why Is It Haram to Refuse Sexual Intercourse with Your Husband?
Now, let’s look at why it’s haram to refuse your spouse sexual intercourse. Firstly, you cannot deprive your spouse of sex without a good reason.Your husband is entitled to intimacy during your marriage. Allah created man and woman, and everything between the heavens and earth. He knows us better than we know ourselves. Intimacy is part of our nature.
There’s nothing wrong with talking about it and providing guidance and advice for each other to educate ourselves. As mentioned, men have strong sexual urges with disturbing impulses. Islam urges women to help their husbands in this regard. In my opinion, this is quite alluring.
I love how Islam has provided guidance for both men and women to function well together. It teaches us lessons that can’t be found elsewhere. We know Islam is continuously scientifically proven in this life, which makes this topic quite interesting.
Why Muslim Women Can’t Have Multiple Husbands Like a Man Can Have Up to Four Wives
It goes back to the same reason that women in history could not have multiple husbands, while men could take up to four wives. Allah has made women like vessels, and men are not the same. We are simply not emotionally equipped to juggle different lives at once. Don’t get me wrong, women are the strongest force on this planet. The ruling of marrying up to four wives is encouraged in Islam only for the care of orphans and the oppressed.
It’s alarming how some men of this generation are obsessed with the idea of marrying four wives when they aren’t even capable of providing for their own families, let alone themselves.
Here is a verse from the Quran:
“[4:3] If you deem it best for the orphans, you may marry their mothers—you may marry two, three, or four. If you fear lest you become unfair, then you shall be content with only one, or with what you already have. Additionally, you are thus more likely to avoid financial hardship.”
Allah understands His creation better than we understand ourselves. It is only right for us women to shy away from having multiple partners. Besides, it’s tiring to deal with after all.
The Generation of Lustfulness
We live in a society where not only are we exposed to desires and fitna before our eyes, but we also have constant access to them through our mobile screens. This can slowly create a generation of unfit partners. Those who follow the deen and lower their gaze will meet their rightful spouses if that is written for them. Those who continuously sin in this department will surely end up with the wrongdoers. Allah knows best, so judging is not for us to decide.
This is a statement from the Quran:
“Wicked women are for wicked men, and wicked men are for wicked women. And virtuous women are for virtuous men, and virtuous men are for virtuous women. The virtuous are innocent of what the wicked say. They will have forgiveness and an honorable provision.”
—Surah An-Nur 24:26
Allah is the most merciful, and this blog is all about transparency and opening a door to accept your past for what it is. No one must judge because Allah alone is the judge. Needless to say, we must all strive to do better. If we are looking for the rightful spouse to provide us with peace and for Allah to place love between you, then working on oneself is the ultimate key.
Healing Through Your Sorrows and Sins
Ever wondered how you can heal from your sins? Look no further! Here are a few ways you can recover from sins in Islam. There are plenty of ways to heal from all the sins you have carried on your back.
Firstly, we must turn to Allah and repent. This is the most important step to take when you start feeling guilt or shame. It is said that sins are not written down for 6 hours after they have been committed. Allah tell the angels who is responsible for writing down the good deeds and the bad once to hold the pen just in case the sinner repents. Than if you do any good deeds, Allah tells the angels to increase them by 10-700 times (SubhanAllah). Reference: Yaqeeninstitute.
At-Tabaraani in Al-Mu’jam Al-Kabeer and Al-Bayhaqi in Shu’ab Al-Eemaan reported from Abu Umaamah that the Prophet (SAW) said: “The angel on the left-hand side (who records sins) holds up his pen (refrains from writing down) for six hours after a Muslim commits a sin. If the person regrets it and asks Allah for forgiveness, he casts it aside (does not write it down); otherwise, it is written down as one (bad deed).” Reference: Islamweb
Don’t beat yourself up! Every person who has ever lived and yet to live has sinned in their lives, either knowingly or unknowingly. It is inevitable. No one is righteous unless they have committed a sin and repented. Simply repent from your sins immediately after you are aware of them. Don´t delay it once you come to understand the sin itself.
I had a conversation with a non-Muslim a while ago, where he exhibited arrogance while I talked about how a Muslim can repent from their sins. He felt too good to bow down to and worship Allah or even raise his hands to repent. May Allah guide him. I remember explaining to him that it is deeper than simply asking for forgiveness. Here is why:
Repenting to Allah for your past sins is a form of healing. Imagine repenting to the Creator as an adult with self-respect and honor, asking for forgiveness and having a conversation with Allah about your wrongdoings, promising never to fall short again. How powerful and extremely humble is that? Only a strong mind is capable of repenting to Allah. This is the only way a Muslim can recover from past sins.
This might shock you, but there are people like this guy I talked to who roam our world. They feel too great to ask their Creator for forgiveness and a clear path of guidance. It is their hearts that hold the disease. Let us not give in to the whispers of our enemy where we feel too superior to repent. Always keep in mind that repenting to Allah will heal your heart and protect it from further, even bigger sins.
Turn to your prayers and open your Mushaf (Quran). The book of Allah will also heal your heart.
I like to look at life as simple as:
Metaphorically speaking, the words of Allah will turn your gray heart into beautiful rainbow colors filled with flowers, preventing any evil from entering it. – Nasreen Zakaria
Live your life in this world obeying Allah’s commands to the best of your ability. Let us enjoy what Allah has created in this world that is good and stay away from what Allah has created that is harmful to us.
The dunya (life on earth) is filled with positive light and glimpses of Jannah (paradise). Shift your focus in your mind to positivity and watch how beautifully Allah will create a life for you in this world. A life you will remember well when you are older and smile at the memory of…
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