My Story of How I got Married
Last updated on October 4th 2024
I have been married for about 2,5 years. Before getting married, there are essential things you need to be mindful of. These elements are important not only to succeed in marriage, but also to become the best version of yourself. This article is about how I found love and got married, read more to find your perfect match with 4 easy elements.
Before reaching the stage where you want to get married, learn to understand who you are. Fix your mental health issues and develop good habits that will naturally lead you to marriage. It´s simple to find who you want. You have to become the person you´re looking for. Check the energy that you´re giving out, reexamine yourself and stay positive. Do not make these mistakes.
When looking to marry, be mindful that the dating process can be a rollercoaster. It´s nice too, but there are things to keep in mind that I have noticed need more attention. Let me take you through the first year before I got married and how I ultimately believe it led me to finding love. Later in this article, we will discuss what you need to be doing before marrying someone else’s son or daughter.
Before I got married, I was in a state of mind where I felt at peace. Everything in my life was great. I had a good job that I enjoyed, my apartment was amazing and the perfect spot everyone wanted to be at. I had good friends around me and support from family.
I was in a great mental state where I enjoyed life to the max. I had no health issues that bothered me physically. I took care of anything that kept me up at night and tried my best in every aspect of life. I had good relationships with everyone I was surrounded by (those that mattered and those who were just passing through).
That year, I was also exploring life more. It was almost as if I had set my mind that I needed some change because right before I met the man of my dreams, I needed something new to happen in my life, a breakthrough. I was waiting for something, but I didn’t quite know what it was.
Anytime I have a breakthrough in life, I can sense it a mile away. We all have some sort of gifts, and this is one of mine from God. I just know when something outstanding is about to come to me. I know A, but not B, so I wait for B to occur. Meanwhile I do not let it stop me from what I already have going on, but I don’t count it out either.
I didn’t decide that I wanted to get married; it never crossed my mind during this year until my husband asked me to marry him, 1-2 weeks after talking on the phone every day for hours. I had no idea that our relationship was going to lead to marriage because I didn’t think that far. I wanted to date for marriage; that was clear in my book, but I didn’t mention marriage to any guy I talked to. Never brought it up. I was only 21 years old, so thinking about marriage didn’t come naturally when talking with this man.
Religious differences
He wasn’t Muslim, so I had to explain my religion to him, and he was totally considering Islam. He spoke with my father on the phone that same week, and my dad invited him to our family house 2 hours away from Oslo (the capital of Norway).
My husband lived in the United States, so we had to plan a meeting. Mind you, I never saw this man in real life before deciding to involve our parents. He only talked with us on the phone, and he and I spoke on FaceTime every single day. We even synced our time zones (ugh). He was 9 hours behind me, but we made it work.
At the time, he was the best man I had ever talked to in my entire life. Still to this day, he has made the best impression so far out of all men I have ever dated for marriage. Such an incredible impression during our long-distance relationship. When I saw him though, I did get butterflies and felt like a little girl immediately. That is a whole different topic that I will get into later, but you get the gist.
Now, I am not going to go too deep into our life after we met in this article. I will, however, God willing, write another article about life as a married couple. Keep an eye out for it by subscribing to our newsletter below.
I love love
The fact that I poured energy into myself, and I was surrounded by people who did the same thing and added value to my life, led me to a happy beginning of finding love. I really enjoyed it for a long time. I love love.
Working on my inner self also led to him wanting to get married as fast as possible. He complied with all Islamic laws, knowing that marriage is important before exploring our relationship further. He respected our values and beliefs so much that he went through the conversion process with my father in front of me.
This moment was extremely emotional to me and meant the world. I cried a lot during this time, happy tears running uncontrollably. We shared this moment together with my family, and I will cherish this private time more than anything, even if we aren’t married. There are moments in life that just set a completely different tone, and this is one of those moments in my life. Very vulnerable and strong emotions that you will not forget. Thankfully, they are only good emotions.
How you can find Love
To find love and to be loved, we need to look at ourselves. You are the reason someone feels understood, whether it’s because you forgive and put yourself in other people’s shoes to fully understand how they function so that you can become a better person, not only for yourself but also for them.
You also need to have some work done on yourself. You need to be mentally prepared and cannot look at life in a selfish way. This sounds contradictory, but what you need to understand is that by pouring energy and time into your self-development and personal growth, you are also providing value to everyone around you. When you become better, everyone benefits. It’s like community or societal service, but in a much more complex way.
Love is vast but also easy to understand. It’s a set of emotions and behaviors characterized by intimacy, passion, and commitment. Love also means you support, respect, and understand your partner. To define love, we must look at its foundations. I will use 4 easy steps to define what love truly is and how you can attain it.
1. Mutual Growth
Before getting into dating/talking to men, understand that you need to have a mindset where you are willing to grow in solitude. You also should be cooperative to the point where you can grow with your partner, and not away from them.
This step is very important because you will not be able to grow the relationship if only one of you is growing. Be able to mutually grow and love that about each other. Islam promotes young people to get married for many reasons. One of these reasons is to avoid falling into zina or adultery. This is why I believe mutual growth is so important and why it is on top of the list.
I recognize more young people are getting married nowadays, which means we need to learn how to grow together. If you’re smart, please try to grow mentally as best as you can before getting married. Marriage life will become easier once you know how to handle challenges, adversity, how to love, and general knowledge about life and who you are as a person.
Get to know yourself before trying to know someone else. In the same breath: You will know yourself better once you understand someone else, but always start with yourself. Do your own homework before trying to do someone else’s.
2. Support
If you don’t have the ability to support someone, then there is a lack of love. Decision-making is quite the romantic way of affection. Not only are you supporting his lifelong dreams and ambitions, but you’re also being an amazing wife by helping him become a better man for you. In the same process, your husband should support your dreams too.
I see it all the time that we women are so good when it comes to supporting our husbands, but we need to also recognize if they are supporting us during our journey with our ambitions. Make sure he is showing you support and providing what you need. A Muslim man has so many responsibilities, and he shall provide what you require in the household, for the kids, and generally.
A Muslim man has obligations to his wife that resemble the girl’s father’s role in the family. A father is the girl’s provider and support system. Your father takes care of all your financial needs, keeps a roof over your head, feeds you, and clothes you. He takes care of the entire family, making sure the kids get an education through school, and taking care of all their necessities. This includes your mother too; your father has to provide for your mother the same way he does for you and then some.
3. Respect
In every situation that you come across in your life, always carry respect proudly. Learn to accept that not everyone will have the same level of respect that you provide, and that it is okay. It’s not your responsibility to teach anyone how to respect you, but when you come with respect in meeting someone, you are already way ahead.
Look at yourself, and ask if you respect the person you are. Do you attend work-related meetings with respect? Are you giving it to your parents, siblings, or friends? If the answer is yes, then you’re on a good path. However, if you answered no to one or more, then there might be some improvements, and you could also have great self-awareness which can take you far if you do something about it.
4. Understanding
This step is also crucial when defining love. Think of someone that you love, and look at their life choices, habits, routines, and how they have treated you. Now, is there a moment in your life where they ever hurt you? Chances are that they probably have in the past because it’s normal and inevitable. Now look at how you handled the situation privately and with them.
Did you understand that perhaps they were in a difficult situation in life that made them act out of character, which led to you being hurt, or did you come to understand that they just hurt you on purpose with no explanation needed? There are more possible answers, but these two are the most common ones that I have come across.
If you said yes to any option, then congratulations, you’re human. Let me explain. There are some people in this life that don’t have an ounce of understanding for anyone whatsoever. They have ZERO understanding. They could have the ability to be supportive, respectful, and even mutually grow with you (in some cases), but they have never in their life even tried to understand other people. Well, ladies, these are the people you should stay away from.
This is because these people have a hard time forgiving and putting to rest human mistakes. These kinds of people do not recognize other people’s values besides their own limitations in life. As a Muslim, being understanding towards others is one of the first things we learn about. Islam teaches us to understand other people’s choices, perspectives, and to forgive. To be able to forgive, you must understand the situation.
The 4 ways that will lead you to your person
Before setting your mind to date for marriage, please make sure that you have invested time and energy in your well-being. Establish good habits around the four elements of love. By practicing these, you are more inclined to find a suitable partner in life.
With love is how we want to be treated by those whom we care the most about. It’s not easy to find it, but when you’re in your best state in life and practice self-care and independence, it will naturally come to you. It’s like what they all say, love comes when you least expect it. When you least expect something as beautiful as love, it most of the time means that you’re already on the right path.
Work on yourself from within, also look your best by taking care of your outer beauty. A man might not marry you for your looks but rather your personality and character, but they sure appreciate a woman that takes care of her health overall. Eat well, get enough sleep, practice spirituality, and self-care. Make sure you are mentally prepared to share your life with another person.
Now, be patient and have faith that it will come to you soon.
Why I got divorced and what did I learn from it?
Now that you understand my perspective on finding love, I want to make you aware that the kind of love I found broke me into pieces. I married someone who gave me love based only on what he knew about me. It was never true love from his side. He wanted someone to control and manipulate—someone highly empathetic. Unfortunately, that someone was me. I triggered his sensitivities and made an impression on him, which caused his alarm to go off. Don’t get me wrong, all the red flags were already there; I just ignored them. Why did I ignore them? My gut instinct told me to keep going, even though there were warning signs. I now know why I had to keep going. Without this marriage experience, I would never have started this website, built a team of outstanding Muslim women, or provided a safe space for personal development and travel content for our amazing readers.
Without this marriage, I would never have hit rock bottom. Hitting rock bottom gave me so much, but it also took many people away from my life. It forced me to become better—not for anyone else, but for myself. I had to start over, rediscovering who I am. Without this marriage, I probably wouldn’t have found Allah the way I did. My relationship with Allah has grown immensely since my separation. For two years now, I’ve had consistent prayers, missing only a handful, and that was due to unavoidable circumstances. I began prioritizing my overall health, which led to wonderful blessings. When you learn to take care of yourself properly—both mentally and physically—Allah will reward you for it. I do not own my body; it belongs to Allah. It is my responsibility to take care of it the best way I can in this life. None of us truly own anything in this life. Everything is a loan from Allah. Your soul is the closest thing to ownership you have in this life, so prioritize it, nourish your mind with what is good for you, and remove what is not.
We must, therefore, learn to build great relationships and set strong boundaries that protect us in the long term. Allah is All-Knowing; He sees and hears everything. Allah has 99 names, and only He can help you understand who you are. In the modern world, we are so busy trying to “find ourselves,” but every person, even in their 50s or 80s, will tell you the same thing: “You never stop learning” and “You will never fully find yourself.” In Islam, Allah can help you find yourself, as He (SWT) knows us better than we know ourselves. So, “Which of the favors of your Lord will you deny?” (Fabi-ayyi ala-i rabbikuma tukaththibani) Q55:13.
Allah has all the answers we seek to make this life complete. There are explanations for each verse for those who struggle to understand. In finding love, Allah will guide you. He knows what your heart craves. I recommend every sister read the verses in Surah Yaseen, Ayah 36 (36:36 Quran). This Ayah is recommended to be recited a certain number of times per day—121 times every night, according to Islamqa.
Transliteration of the Ayat 36:36:
Subhaanal lazee khalaqal azwaaja kullahaa mimmaa tumbitul ardu wa min anfusihim wa mimmaa laa ya’lamoon
With love, you also need to practice self-love. No one can love you until you learn to love yourself. Only after starting a journey of self-improvement will you find genuine, honest love. The love Allah places between you and your spouse is unlike anything else in this life. Share your life with those who deserve the love you give, not the other way around. There’s no point in marrying someone just to try to change them into something you would rather prefer. Find the full package from the start, and you will only have that after doing the work on yourself.
References
https://islamqa.org/hanafi/muftisays/78297/what-is-the-wazifa-for-marrying-a-boy-with-good-qualities
https://myislam.org/surah-yaseen/ayat-36/
