Before reading, please note that as women we must stay away from major sins like discussed in this article. Allah is indeed the most merciful, but you and I also know that He, the Almighty Allah also is severe with punishments.
Without further relevant information than this, I hope you will enjoy this read and find it helpful in your own situation.
Fresh Start
In the past you might have tried to avoid adultery and Zina (Islamic term for unlawful sexual intercourse). A huge part of you might have changed after leaving your marriage, fiancé almost like transforming overnight. Returning from Los Angeles, your mindset shifted drastically; you no longer felt like the person who left the country before.
Ramadan came just a couple of weeks after you landed, and your body might have felt unusually calm, despite the dramatic, harsh, and horrible situation you were in. You should have felt broken, but surprisingly, you felt good. In fact, better than ever.
There might have been a few days while still communicating with your ex-husband or fiancé. When you felt awful and tender with a broken heart, but as soon as you cut contact completely, you felt better. Your mind shifted into something more positive. You became more grateful and caring towards other people, surprisingly. You became happier and it just felt more… pleasant to live.
The first relief you might have felt was when you left your apartment complex in Los Angeles and got into an Uber on your way to the airport back home. You felt so free and full of life. You knew there was more to life than the misery you lived in for a while. You felt lighter and calmer suddenly. The night before your flight, you might have been anxious, expecting to be heartbroken and sad. But during your travel, you felt calm. Allah placed so many wonderful people on your journey from Los Angeles to Norway that you couldn’t believe it yourself.
Your Uber driver, a kind and respectful Hawaiian man, gave you great advice. You talked about everything you could during that ride. You might have been a little petty and asked him to rate the ride with one star since your ex-husband booked it for you.
At the airport, you met a young lady who needed help finding her gate. You started talking and had a lovely chat. She was heading to Europe to meet her family. You believe she was in her mid-30s, with long brunette hair and a fire outfit (which isn’t that usual at airports, you know your outfit was rough on that day). She was so groomed and gave off that rich auntie vibe.
She encouraged you to cherish the chance to start over. You found an airport worker with a little tuktuk (is that what they are called in the West?) who offered to help you find her gate. He dropped you off at a café near your gate, and you grabbed some food and drinks for the long flight.
It was the 8th of March 2023, the official Women’s day, so everyone at the airport was more attentive to women. Even when you were about to board the flight, all women were asked to go first. The day felt special as you received so many indications that this was going to be a fresh start full of positivity and a learning curve. You felt lighter and calmer.
You sat down near your gate, people-watching, and pondered why you didn’t feel tired or grumpy, despite only sleeping for about 3 hours the entire week prior and having 0 sleep the night before. You pondered why you felt so calm and relaxed about your situation, knowing many people would feel miserable in the same position. You pondered why you met so many kind and respectful people during your journey.
When you landed in Norway, everything went smoothly. Even your suitcase bursting open (right after the Uber driver had driven away) turned into a positive experience as some workers in the neighborhood helped you and even carried your luggage up to the apartment.
Everyone was so kind and respectful. You know these people were placed in your life for a reason. There are so many people you haven’t mentioned who made your transition easier and better. To all of them, you will forever be grateful.
How you can heal and grow
The second part of your journey is where you might have initially stumbled. You got too social and downloaded an exclusive dating app, trying to numb the anger you felt towards your ex-spouse. You cried a lot, not because you missed him, but because you felt like you wasted your time on someone who turned out to be different from what they pretended to be in the beginning, not knowing that God just saved you from a terrible situation.
You got angrier each day for a few weeks and cried almost every day during this time period. You didn’t tell anyone; you just cried, prayed, fasted, and went on with your days. Instead of dwelling on these feelings, you focused on healing from within.
Eventually, you accepted the years you shared with him. You learned never to give a man the attention you gave him. Your heartbreak lasted less than three months, which is unlike you, considering your previous relationship took much longer to heal from. Despite the mental abuse, you managed to address these issues and move forward.
In the first month after leaving, you already felt lighter. As soon as you landed, you started writing. You wrote like crazy, filling page after page with every emotion you felt and thoughts. Lots of thoughts. You wrote it down in your notes app, on your journal and in a word document.
Each time you noticed your mood changing (due to your shitty situation) into something negative, you promised yourself to write it down and leave it in the notes. You allowed yourself to feel sad, heartbroken, angry, embarrassed, let down – any feeling that came to mind – but only when you wrote. After writing, with tears falling down your face, you would immediately force yourself to smile and live in the present.
You only gave yourself time to be upset while writing down what you felt and were going through. After almost 20-30 pages of endless thoughts, you stopped visiting the notes app. You started to feel better. You became more easier on yourself.
You began to love yourself more. You dressed nicer (goodbye, sweatpants!), smelled better, groomed yourself better, and gave yourself daily affirmations. Loving yourself made it easier to love others. You started helping more people, which made you feel better too. Now you wanted others to feel as good as you were feeling.
You also focused on your hobbies, like writing, going to the gym, painting, photography sessions, working, and spending time with friends and family. You got closer to Allah, prayed consistently, and trusted in His power. Being an introspective person, you learned to filter out negative thoughts by working out and not giving too much attention to negative thinking.
The gym has been a huge part of your healing process. Thanks to your eldest brother for never allowing you to give up on being active and for motivating you to start going regularly that hot summer day in June last year.
How you can embrace Celibacy
Now, here’s the part that might surprise many. You stopped having sex, talking to men, and interacting with them in any intimate way after your divorce from your ex-husband. Practicing celibacy has been crucial for your healing.
Staying away from Zina and adultery is not often discussed in your community, maybe because it’s expected of you to stay away? Which is great! But for some people, it is a great hardship of a test, and managing to abstain from these sins for the sake of Allah is incredibly rewarding.
Conclusion
Girls, remember to do it for Allah. Read the Quran more often, pray your Salah on time, and make lots of Du’a if you struggle with Zina or adultery.
This is a girls’ “chat room,” and you want to discuss these topics without judgment. You can share information and experiences with the intention to guide and help, but remember to seal your sins. We are all human, looking for answers or just something different to read.
Allah created you to be imperfect, knowing you would sin. Your task is to repent to Al-Rahman Ar-Rahim, Allah (SWT).
Take care of yourself so you can take care of your loved ones better. Let’s make Duá for all the war-torn countries: Palestine, Sudan, Libya, Kashmir, Congo, Yemen, Haiti, Uruguay.
Suggested reading: Understanding the Human Compulsion for Negativity and the Journey to Self-Fulfillment
