A Man Who Pursues Me Must Not Be Needy
A man who is pursuing me must not be needy, lack ambition, or rely on me. This is not because I need financial support; I am financially and spiritually independent. I expect him to come prepared, as I have been independent most of my life and don’t rely on anyone financially.
This post is about how to find confidence, building character, and to empower you in never settling for less.
Don´t settle for less when you can have the world
When a man approaches you without being healed, without ambitions, or without a healthy relationship with money, women, and life overall, he will waste your time and energy.
He will cause you distress and project his insecurities onto you. It is not worth the negativity. He must come prepared because you are and because you have done the hard work on yourself.
Maintaining Financial Control
It’s crucial to keep control of your own money—don’t give him access to your accounts or share your financial details unless you’re in a committed, long-term, healthy relationship. Even then, I could disagree with giving such access.
A real, healthy, masculine man of value won’t expect you to disclose your finances right away. If he does, confront him and see how he responds. His responses will leave you with all the answers you need. If he gets offensive, retaliates, or demands you share because he did, he’s controlling, and it will get worse over time.
Your Financial Privacy
Remember, you don’t owe him any access to your finances. Women must learn how to gain financial control in their lives. We are not to answer for anyone where we stand (regarding our finances) while dating, with the intention of marriage.
Your future spouse is entitled to know about all your debts; other than that, you don’t have to disclose anything about your personal finances.
Financial Empowerment and Rights in Islam
1. Understanding Personal Finance
Financial empowerment is crucial for women‘s independence and security, irrespective of cultural or religious backgrounds. Understanding personal finance, including budgeting, saving, and investing, is essential. It allows women to make informed decisions and secure their financial futures. Maintaining control over one’s finances ensures autonomy and prevents financial abuse.
2. Managing Debt and Avoiding Interest
Women should have their own bank accounts and exercise caution with joint financial arrangements unless fully trusting of their partner. This is a no-brainer, however there are still men out here in this modern age of time we live in, that deprive their wives from having any accounts in their name independently.
Being aware of one’s credit status and managing debt responsibly is vital. Muslims should avoid taking on debt as best as we can. Riba (debt) is haram (prohibited) under Sharia law. Living in the West, where interest is part of our social life, is frustrating.
The reason interest is prohibited in Islam is that it is exploitative. This means we cannot allow a bank to lend us a mortgage and pay for the loan through interest. Allah (SWT) hates riba, so there are no and will never be barakah (blessings) in it.
3. Experiencing Financial Fraud
I had bad experiences with money and people. I used to lend money to acquaintances in need, and not everyone was trustworthy. One ex-fiancé took out loans and made purchases in my name without paying them off. When I left him, I ended up responsible for those debts.
He promised to repay them, and I believed him, delaying payment for seven years. Eventually, I realized he wouldn’t follow through. Dealing with banks and repairing my credit was a challenge, but I settled the debts in a few installments. It taught me a tough lesson: never let someone take advantage of trust and finances again. Be mindful of these types of fraudulent men that are only there to scam you with no intentions to pursue genuine marriage with you.
4. Relocating and Starting Fresh
When my family and I immigrated to Europe, we didn’t have much. We had to start over again, but life was great either way. I have experienced both having more than enough as a child and less when I loved out of the family house.
In our homeland, we lived a very good life with no worries about money, as my father sent us plenty while he was away, and my grandfather took excellent care of us. They all had their own businesses, so money was never an issue in the homeland, thanks to Allah. There was never a moment in Sudan where I felt poor or that I didn’t have enough; we had more than enough back then.
Relocating can be challenging, but I have definitely taken this gene from my parents as I have done so more than 5 times during my short lifespan. It is refreshing and highly recommended as it will only lead to growth and immense maturity.
Women’s Rights in Islam After Marriage
Islamic Teachings
Islamic teachings provide a comprehensive framework to protect women’s rights after marriage, ensuring a balanced and respectful marital relationship. The rights Allah (SWT) has provided women are often overlooked within the community. Men forget this, or do they? They don’t think that we know our rights and that Allah (SWT) will hold them responsible for their actions.
Let´s take a look at two of the most important points of women´s marital rights in Islam.
1. Financial Maintenance and Property Rights
Key rights include the mahr (dowry), which the husband gives to the wife upon marriage and which remains her property. The husband is responsible for the wife’s financial maintenance, covering her needs such as food, clothing, and healthcare, regardless of her wealth.
A married woman retains ownership of her earnings and property, with the right to work and engage in business activities. Both spouses are obliged to treat each other with kindness and respect, fulfilling each other’s emotional and physical needs. Women have the right to pursue education and personal growth, supported by their husbands.
2. Divorce Rights
If a marriage becomes unbearable, women have the right to seek divorce (khula), returning the mahr. In cases of divorce, women also have rights regarding child custody, with the father obligated to provide financial support.
If the father is no longer there, then the responsibility is handed to the mahram (individuals with whom a Muslim is forbidden to marry or engage in intimate relationships due to their close familial ties). Islam strictly prohibits any form of abuse against women, ensuring their safety and preserving their dignity.
The Divine Feminine Energy
Balancing Masculine and Feminine Energies
As women, we don’t have to be too shy to assert our rights. Many men are comfortable not fulfilling their obligations in marriage and expect women to be “perfect” and obedient to them.
Being with a man who is disconnected from his masculinity is difficult for a woman. It takes her out of the divine feminine energy that we naturally possess.
By fostering a healthy connection with both masculine and feminine energies together, we become more inclined to live fulfilled lives where our rights are met.
Understanding Each Other
Understanding both perspectives for women and men is important. As women, we can be in touch with both our feminine and masculine sides, just as men can. Women are in their divine femininity while being taken care of by their fathers or spouses.
In my case, I have found that I am most feminine when I am alone and single. This is mainly because the men I have been with were more connected to their feminine energy while neglecting their divine masculinity. I ended up taking care of myself and didn’t respect these men because they didn’t have it together.
Know Your Worth
Don’t Settle for Less
You cannot accept anything less than what you know you deserve and what you can provide for myself. So, girls, please don’t fall for poorly mannered men. Life is short, but that doesn’t mean we should disrespect ourselves by putting up with less than what we deserve.
Focus on healing: seek guidance from a therapist. Take a break from social media. Take yourself out for dates. Join a nearby gym to work towards your fitness goals. Start writing a journal. Start a business. Keep yourself busy. There are endless options to stay away from such connections.
Be Selfish with Your Energy
Be selfish with your energy and time. Allah will guide you as long as you take that first big step. The subsequent steps will become smaller and easier to take. Start with small goals, then aim for bigger ones – after you’ve healed from your trauma, ego, and unhealed experiences. Life becomes more rewarding, treating you better in ways you couldn’t have imagined. Believe in yourself.
Conclusion
Never Give Up
Please, everyone reading this, never give up on your journey. The pain will not last, because it always comes prescribed with ease from Allah. You are never alone while facing hardships; He is there with you. You are strong. Look yourself in the mirror now and tell yourself that you will get through it no matter what, and that no matter what happens, you will make it. You got this, easy!
References: Al-Islam.org, Sahih al-bukhari by Muḥammad ibn Ismā’īl al-Bukhārī, Al, Personal life experiences and knowledge picked up along the way
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